Posts Tagged ‘pastor’s wife’

Rights of a Pastor’s Spouse

Tuesday, March 5th, 2013

 Check out “So You’re the Minister’s Wife” web site

Link to “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey” Facebook page

I recently read an article that appeared in the Enrichment Journal entitled, “A Bill of Rights for a Pastor’s Spouse”. This article was written in response to a question asked, “Do you think being a pastor is a benefit or a hazard to your family life?”

bill of rightsAs the spouse of a pastor, you may feel like you do not have any rights but you will find after reading this piece that indeed you do. I have linked to the article in its entirety with permission from the publisher. Reflect on each point as you strive to become the best pastor’s spouse that you can be.

Click on link below to access the article “A Bill of Rights for a Pastor’s Spouse”.

http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200603/200603_070_Blahs_sb_rights.cfm

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Does My Pastor Care?

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

 Check out “So You’re the Minister’s Wife” web site

Link to “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey” Facebook page

Do you feel all alone in your Christian walk? Are you aware that others within the Christian community care about you and your spiritual growth? I cannot speak for others within the church but, as the wife of a pastor, I most assuredly know that the pastor cares for you. I have listed a few statements that are so true regarding a pastor/parishioner Christian relationship:

1. Your pastor loves you as a member of the flock and fellow Christian. He/she has you “in their heart” and desires the best for you in all things. When you hurt, they hurt. When you rejoice, they rejoice. The pastor’s desire is to make all things beautiful in your life. They are disappointed when they can’t fix all things for you.

2. The pastor doesn’t expect perfection from you but does at least expect to see some degree of spiritual growth. Even if the growth is “baby steps”, he/she wants you to do the best that you can to give your all for God. Your pastor wants God to be honored and glorified through your life and witness. When you honor God through your life, the pastor fills honored as well.

3. Respect for your pastor is appreciated even if you don’t always agree with everything they do. Positive words do much to encourage them to do a better job in their ministry.

4. Pastors like to be remembered on their special days (birthdays, anniversaries, etc). They feel the same as you when someone remembers those important events in your life.

5. Share important things happening in your life with your pastor. Sometimes he/she is the last one to know of these special things. You tell your family and friends but your pastor delights in hearing them as well.

6. Your pastor is human and makes mistakes. Appreciate his/her efforts to please God first and then the church.

7. The pastor covets your prayers.

I am sure there are many more ways the love and concern of your pastor is displayed but I mention these only to affirm how special you are to your pastor. The pastor needs you and you need them. Although God’s love for His church cannot be measured, your pastor’s love for you cannot be expressed in words either. Think about this the next time you are discouraged in your Christian walk.

Begin now to think of ways to honor your pastor.

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Second Row Pastor’s Wife

Monday, April 9th, 2012

 Check out “So You’re the Minister’s Wife” web site

Link to “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey” Facebook page

I coined this phrase after hearing someone explain to me what their expectations of a pastor’s wife were. Again it made me realize that many people in the church have an idea of what I should be, how I should act, what I should say and what I should do.

Here is a description as stated by an acquaintance. “A pastor’s wife should be friendly to everyone, attend all church services, not wear slacks to church and sit on the second row.” Thus, a second row pastor’s wife!

What happens when you aren’t able to speak to everyone? What happens when you miss a church service? What happens when you wear slacks instead of a dress or skirt? What happens when you sit on the third row instead of the second row? Nothing at all!

I Peter 3:3 & 4 says, “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

The only requirement God has for me is that I have a gentle and quiet spirit reflecting to others that God’s love is hidden in my heart. This is the expectation that I strive to live up to even though I might not sit on the second row.

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Truckin’ Pastor

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

We recently had the privilege to move from one state to assume a pastorate in a location three states away. For those of you who have not ridden almost 700 miles in a  moving truck pulling a car transport behind, it is quite an experience.

My pastor/husband is a wonderful minister but truck driving is not his expertise. He was okay driving in the forward position but doing anything in reverse was a different story. Every stop for gas (which were many) had to be done in such a way where the truck did not have to be backed up. Sometimes he refused to even stop at certain stations because he didn’t think he could do so safely.

Even with the seat pulled up as close as it could be, my feet would not even touch the gas pedal, so it was out of the question for me to take a turn at driving. That was the price to pay for being only 5’2” tall. Somehow I dealt with it, though!

You do not realize how bumpy some of the highways are until you are riding in a big 26-foot truck. It was more fun than a ride at a theme park. I thought the milk I drank was going to churn itself into butter. The volume of the truck itself kept any attempts at a normal conversation impossible. A person had to yell just to be heard.

We arrived safely the next day after spending the night at a motel with a large lot suitable for parking these types of vehicles. We were so glad to get this monstrosity unloaded, return it to the company and get back in our car. A trip like this is not something we would want to do on a regular basis.

Our move reminded me that no matter where we go or what we do God is always with us. Thank God for His love and care for us in whatever situation we find ourselves even if it is Truckin’ Pastor and Pastor’s Wife.

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Help Wanted: A Pastor’s Wife

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

Please visit my web site at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

I recently listened to a video of several pastors discussing what the responsibilities of a pastor’s wife are. As expected, each minister had his own idea of what his wife should be and what she should do in the home and the church.

Some comments on this particular video included:

  1. My wife is to love the Lord Jesus Christ, love me unconditionally, pray for me and encourage me. That is all she is to do.
  2. A pastor’s wife is to use the gifts that God has given her for the working of the body of Christ.
  3. A pastor’s wife should follow the path that God has laid out for her so she can serve His purpose.
  4. A pastor’s wife should be a partner in ministry (work alongside of her husband).
  5. A pastor’s wife is just that – the wife of the pastor.
  6. A pastor’s wife’s role is of support.
  7. The pastor’s wife should meet the needs of the women in the church.

These are just a few of the job responsibilities stated in the comments section. As you can see, there was a variety of ideas not only in the video but in the comments as well.

Noting the above, it made me wonder if the church could ever find a pastor’s wife to fit this stereotyped mold. I searched and could not find her and neither will you.

Thus, if you are a pastor’s wife, I would encourage you to just be yourself. Don’t let the challenges of the position overwhelm you. You are a “wanted” person – wanted by God, wanted by your family and wanted by your church family. You can fulfill the job but you might not be able to accomplish the myriad of expectations others have for you. Be who God created you to be and use your God-given talents.

If you are church member, appreciate your pastor’s wife’s uniqueness. Don’t put her in a mold you created. Love her unconditionally as she loves you unconditionally.

She won’t fit the job description of a Help Wanted ad so quit expecting that of her.

Check out this web site: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net.

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How to Support a Grieving Person

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

Please check out my web site: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this web site: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

There are many things associated with the pastoral ministry but perhaps there is nothing as difficult as dealing with a person who is grieving. Since individuals handle bereavement in various ways, it is also important to adapt to each person’s needs at the time. Emotions are at their peak during their distress.

When notified of the death of a church family member, member of your family or a friend, it is important to verbalize your sympathy and offer to help in any way possible. It is best to visit with the grieving loved ones one-on-one at a location of their choosing. Often the conversation will focus on the special attributes of the deceased person and the building of memories. Generally the grieving loved ones just need to talk to someone to help them work through their grief. A gentle hug can also bring solace.

Don’t worry ahead of time what you will say or do — facing the person will dictate your response. The important thing is just to be there and listen.

Make a point of scheduling regular visits with the family to see how they are doing. Mark your calendar for occasional connections to help with any bereavement issues. Find a poem or other memento that can be given to the family at the one-year anniversary of their loved one’s death. This thoughtful gesture is usually much appreciated and helps the family know their loved one is still remembered.

How a pastor handles a grieving family and memorial service tends to contribute to the future effectiveness of the pastor’s relationship with the family. Sometimes it is difficult to know what to do, what to say or how to pray. Usually the loved ones will not remember these things, but just the fact you were there for comfort and care during their overwhelming loss.

Always let a grieving person know you are there for them, that you love them and that God loves them!

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Touring God’s House

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

Most of us have taken a variety of tours during our lifetime. Have you ever considered that every time you visit a church you are taking a tour of God’s house? There is a little rhyme with hand motions that most of learned as small children:“Here’s the church, and here’s the steeple. Open the doors and see all the people”.

Psalm 122:1Psalm 122:1
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

122 1 I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go unto the house of Jehovah.

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states, “
I was happy when they said to me, ‘Let’s go to the house of the Lord'”.
Have you ever considered the importance of each aspect of the interior of the church?

Cross – First of all, in most Christian places of worship you will find a cross in a prominent place. The cross represents the “power of God”. As recorded in I Corinthians 1:18, “For the word of the cross is to those who are perishing foolishness, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” Because of our redemption through Christ’s death and resurrection on the cross, we can have the power of God working in and through us.

DoorEzekiel 1:18Ezekiel 1:18
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

18 As for their rims, they were high and dreadful; and they four had their rims full of eyes round about.

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“Then he brought me into the inner court of the Lord’s house. And behold at the entrance to the temple of the Lord, between the porch and the altar, were about twenty-five men with their backs to the temple of the Lord and their faces prostrating themselves eastward toward the sun.” The entrance (door) of the  sanctuary allows us to join together with persons of like faith in worshipping our Savior.

Pews – Although the Bible does not directly have a reference to the word pews, there are many instances where people are directed to sit down and hear what the master teacher, Jesus Christ, had to share. Our pastor, a servant of God, invites us to come into the house of God and sit down and hear what he has been directed to share from God’s Holy Word.

Altar – In some churches the altar is a place where our monetary offerings as well as the emblems of the sacrament of communion are placed. In many churches there is also an altar at which a worshipper may bow in prayer. The altar was a prominent item in the Old Testament on which animal sacrifices were made. The altar is a very vital part of our place of worship even today.

Pulpit – The Bible tells us in Nehemiah 8:4Nehemiah 8:4
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

4 And Ezra the scribe stood upon a pulpit of wood, which they had made for the purpose; and beside him stood Mattithiah, and Shema, and Anaiah, and Uriah, and Hilkiah, and Maaseiah, on his right hand; and on his left hand, Pedaiah, and Mishael, and Malchijah, and Hashum, and Hashbaddanah, Zechariah, [and] Meshullam.

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that Ezra, the scribe, stood at a wooden podium which they had made for the purpose of reading from the book of the law. Our book of the law is the Bible. The pulpit is the place from which the minister/pastor stands to share. The pulpit is an important fixture within our place of worship.

Choir Loft & Musicians Area – Wouldn’t you miss the singing and playing instruments in your church? There are so many references in the Bible about praising God through singing and using instruments. Even though we may not be able to sing like those in the choir, God still accepts this important act of worship. I would miss the music!

I love God’s house. It is one of the most important aspects of my life. God’s house should be reverenced at all times. What would our lives be like without a place to come to sing, praise God, pray, hear God’s Word and meet with fellow believers? Be sure and tour God’s house regularly!

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Whatever

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website:www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

I do not hear this as frequently now, but several years ago people were constantly using the phrase “whatever”. When you asked a child, especially a teenager, to do something they disliked doing, they would retort, “whatever”. Sometimes I would even find myself when I didn’t want to deal with something at that time or didn’t know the solution, flippantly respond with, “whatever”.

Now when I hear the phrase it makes me think of a passage of scripture found in Philippians 4:8Philippians 4:8
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

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NAS, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.”

After having this scripture seeded into my mind, every time I hear the phrase “whatever” my thoughts begin to think of this positive admonishment. Our thoughts should only be on those things which are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and of good repute. As we begin to take control of our thought life, all of these wonderful attributes should come into better focus. Nothing else really matters unless it meets these standards set by God.

Do I only accept what is true? Do I do what is honorable at all times? Do I do what is right? Are my actions and thoughts pure? Do the lovely things of this life hold prominence in my thoughts? Do I have a good reputation or character? If so, let your mind dwell on these things of excellence for they will be worthy of praise.

Now the phrase “whatever” takes on a new meaning. I will be more selective in using it but will have a positive reaction to hearing it. As you can see, the word does have value.

So . . . “whatever”!!!

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A Pastor’s Wife’s Accountability

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Please visit my web site at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

Whether you like it or not, people are watching you! You are observed in a different light and in a higher standard because you are the wife of a spiritual leader. Thus, you become a role model.

I found the following definition of role model on Dictionary.com: A person whose behavior, example or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people. The question is – are you someone worthy of imitating?

With this great responsibility it is important to occasionally ask yourself the following accountability questions:

1. Am I spending regular time alone with God?

2. Is my thought life pure?

3. Am I misusing my power (at home, work or church)?

4. Am I walking in total obedience to God?

There are many other questions that can be added to the list but these are perhaps the most important.

Accountability is giving someone permission here on earth to ask us what someday God may ask us in Heaven. If possible, find the wife of another spiritual leader to pair up with. As you meet together on a regular basis, it is important to be accountable to each other. That is the first step in being accountable to God. Romans 14:12Romans 14:12
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

12 So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God.

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“So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God.” When you hold each other accountable, then you can easily become someone worthy of imitating.

Are you worthy of imitating?

AB7H28KYPTED

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In His Time

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

Please check out my web site: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this web site: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

“He has made everything beautiful in His time: also he hath set the world in our heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11Ecclesiastes 3:11
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

11 He hath made everything beautiful in its time: also he hath set eternity in their heart, yet so that man cannot find out the work that God hath done from the beginning even to the end.

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As I start another new year, I am reminded of the chorus we frequently sing at church, “In His Time.” It seems impossible that a year has passed since I started posting blogs to my web site, “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey.” What a journey this year has been. I have successfully written and published over 40 blogs.

My web site, “So You’re the Minister’s Wife”, www.soyouretheministerswife.com has required ongoing persistent attention. I have gone through boxes and boxes of treasured snippets of information collected throughout the years. I continue to put some of this information on my site as time allows. I will probably wear out the boxes from constantly pulling them out of the closet and going through them over and over again.

I have inserted ads, moved ads, taken off ads, submitted my site regularly to search engines and posted status updates on several popular social sites. I added a favicon to each page as well as valuable clipart. I even totally changed the appearance for ascetic quality and better clarity of information. Whew! It has definitely been a learning process.

So as the song, “In His Time,” goes, I must begin another year of being patient (not a strong attribute of mine) as I strive to make both the web site and blog better and a valuable resource for pastor’s wives and other Christian women. My ultimate goal, however, is to be a blessing through these endeavors. I am convinced it will all fall in place – in His time.

May you have a blessed and happy 2011!

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