Archive for the ‘Minister’s Wife’ Category

Rights of a Pastor’s Spouse

Tuesday, March 5th, 2013

 Check out “So You’re the Minister’s Wife” web site

Link to “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey” Facebook page

I recently read an article that appeared in the Enrichment Journal entitled, “A Bill of Rights for a Pastor’s Spouse”. This article was written in response to a question asked, “Do you think being a pastor is a benefit or a hazard to your family life?”

bill of rightsAs the spouse of a pastor, you may feel like you do not have any rights but you will find after reading this piece that indeed you do. I have linked to the article in its entirety with permission from the publisher. Reflect on each point as you strive to become the best pastor’s spouse that you can be.

Click on link below to access the article “A Bill of Rights for a Pastor’s Spouse”.

http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200603/200603_070_Blahs_sb_rights.cfm

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Second Row Pastor’s Wife

Monday, April 9th, 2012

 Check out “So You’re the Minister’s Wife” web site

Link to “A Pastor’s Wife’s Journey” Facebook page

I coined this phrase after hearing someone explain to me what their expectations of a pastor’s wife were. Again it made me realize that many people in the church have an idea of what I should be, how I should act, what I should say and what I should do.

Here is a description as stated by an acquaintance. “A pastor’s wife should be friendly to everyone, attend all church services, not wear slacks to church and sit on the second row.” Thus, a second row pastor’s wife!

What happens when you aren’t able to speak to everyone? What happens when you miss a church service? What happens when you wear slacks instead of a dress or skirt? What happens when you sit on the third row instead of the second row? Nothing at all!

I Peter 3:3 & 4 says, “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

The only requirement God has for me is that I have a gentle and quiet spirit reflecting to others that God’s love is hidden in my heart. This is the expectation that I strive to live up to even though I might not sit on the second row.

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Help Wanted: A Pastor’s Wife

Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

Please visit my web site at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

I recently listened to a video of several pastors discussing what the responsibilities of a pastor’s wife are. As expected, each minister had his own idea of what his wife should be and what she should do in the home and the church.

Some comments on this particular video included:

  1. My wife is to love the Lord Jesus Christ, love me unconditionally, pray for me and encourage me. That is all she is to do.
  2. A pastor’s wife is to use the gifts that God has given her for the working of the body of Christ.
  3. A pastor’s wife should follow the path that God has laid out for her so she can serve His purpose.
  4. A pastor’s wife should be a partner in ministry (work alongside of her husband).
  5. A pastor’s wife is just that – the wife of the pastor.
  6. A pastor’s wife’s role is of support.
  7. The pastor’s wife should meet the needs of the women in the church.

These are just a few of the job responsibilities stated in the comments section. As you can see, there was a variety of ideas not only in the video but in the comments as well.

Noting the above, it made me wonder if the church could ever find a pastor’s wife to fit this stereotyped mold. I searched and could not find her and neither will you.

Thus, if you are a pastor’s wife, I would encourage you to just be yourself. Don’t let the challenges of the position overwhelm you. You are a “wanted” person – wanted by God, wanted by your family and wanted by your church family. You can fulfill the job but you might not be able to accomplish the myriad of expectations others have for you. Be who God created you to be and use your God-given talents.

If you are church member, appreciate your pastor’s wife’s uniqueness. Don’t put her in a mold you created. Love her unconditionally as she loves you unconditionally.

She won’t fit the job description of a Help Wanted ad so quit expecting that of her.

Check out this web site: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net.

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A Pastor’s Wife’s Accountability

Monday, January 17th, 2011

Please visit my web site at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

Whether you like it or not, people are watching you! You are observed in a different light and in a higher standard because you are the wife of a spiritual leader. Thus, you become a role model.

I found the following definition of role model on Dictionary.com: A person whose behavior, example or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people. The question is – are you someone worthy of imitating?

With this great responsibility it is important to occasionally ask yourself the following accountability questions:

1. Am I spending regular time alone with God?

2. Is my thought life pure?

3. Am I misusing my power (at home, work or church)?

4. Am I walking in total obedience to God?

There are many other questions that can be added to the list but these are perhaps the most important.

Accountability is giving someone permission here on earth to ask us what someday God may ask us in Heaven. If possible, find the wife of another spiritual leader to pair up with. As you meet together on a regular basis, it is important to be accountable to each other. That is the first step in being accountable to God. Romans 14:12Romans 14:12
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

12 So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God.

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“So then each one of us shall give account of himself to God.” When you hold each other accountable, then you can easily become someone worthy of imitating.

Are you worthy of imitating?

AB7H28KYPTED

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God’s Jewels

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

As a fellow laborer in your service to the Lord, did you ever think of yourself as one of God’s jewels? That is the assurance of God that he will not forget those who fear and serve Him. This encouragement can be found in Malachi 3:17Malachi 3:17
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

17 And they shall be mine, saith Jehovah of hosts, [even] mine own possession, in the day that I make; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

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KJV, “And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.” Some other translations refer to jewels in this passage as “treasured possession”, “special treasure” and “own possession” – just to mention a few.

A jewel is a piece of attractive mineral, which – when cut and polished – is used to make jewelry or other adornments. Each one is unique in its own characteristics (much like we are). Gemstones are often treated to enhance their color or clarity. When I think of a jewel being cut and polished I reflect on the trials, hardships and disappointments that a Christian faces throughout their life. It may seem difficult at times to endure those tests and trials we encounter in our walk with the Lord but there is a final reward waiting. The final result, after being meticulously polished by God, is a unique jewel ready to be claimed by the Master.

The term “make up” assures us that God is preparing his jewels (righteous persons). We are also encouraged that God will be able to distinguish between the righteous and wicked. He does not forget those who fear and serve Him. There will be justice on the wicked but the righteous will be spared (shown compassion) as verse 17 tells us.

Don’t quit in your ministry. Don’t let the view of that ultimate reward overshadow your true focus on doing God’s bidding in your daily walk. The final gathering of jewels by God is definitely something to look forward to.

What a blessing to be one of God’s jewels!

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Recipe for Prosperity

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

As a pastoral family, no one could ever accuse you of being in the ministry for monetary gain. You find out that prosperity cannot be measured by the number of coins that you can jingle in your purse or pocket or the dollars in your bank account.

Many years ago I wrote a devotion to share at a ladies ministry meeting using Psalm 37:1-11Psalm 37:1-11
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

37 1 Fret not thyself because of evil-doers, Neither be thou envious against them that work unrighteousness. 2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, And wither as the green herb. 3 Trust in Jehovah, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on [his] faithfulness. 4 Delight thyself also in Jehovah; And he will give thee the desires of thy heart. 5 Commit thy way unto Jehovah; Trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass. 6 And he will make thy righteousness to go forth as the light, And thy justice as the noon-day. 7 Rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for him: Fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, Because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: Fret not thyself, [it tendeth] only to evil-doing. 9 For evil-doers shall be cut off; But those that wait for Jehovah, they shall inherit the land. 10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: Yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and he shall not be. 11 But the meek shall inherit the land, And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

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as my outline. To illustrate the passage I used the example of stirring the following spiritual ingredients together in a large mixing bowl. As I mixed in each item, I pointed out what is needed in order for us to end up with a bowl full of “prosperity” (abundant life in Christ).

What steps should we take?

1.  TrustPsalm 37:3Psalm 37:3
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

3 Trust in Jehovah, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on [his] faithfulness.

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a – “Trust in the Lord, and do good”. Total trust in God is sometimes difficult but that is the first step to the end result.

2.  DelightPsalm 37:4Psalm 37:4
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

4 Delight thyself also in Jehovah; And he will give thee the desires of thy heart.

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“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of our heart”. That scripture is so encouraging.

3.  CommitmentPsalm 37:5Psalm 37:5
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

5 Commit thy way unto Jehovah; Trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass.

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a – “Commit your way to the Lord”. Total commitment entails every aspect of our life.

4.  PatiencePsalm 37:7Psalm 37:7
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

7 Rest in Jehovah, and wait patiently for him: Fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, Because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

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a –   “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him”. Resting in the Lord and waiting on Him is sometimes difficult. With the prevalence of everything “quick” in our current society, it is sometimes hard for us to have patience and wait.

5.  TemperancePsalm 37:8Psalm 37:8
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: Fret not thyself, [it tendeth] only to evil-doing.

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“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; fret not ourself, it leads only to evildoing”. We should exemplify temperance as we serve the Lord.

As the recipe suggests, all of the above spiritual ingredients should be thoroughly mixed together. The mixture should be placed in a humble heart (verse 11) surrounded with love until it reaches the consistency of spiritual maturity.

These steps cannot be done for one time and then discontinued. It is a continual process of trusting, delighting, committing, being patient and showing temperance. However, the recipe should be stored indefinitely as we mature in our walk with the Lord.

Finally, Psalm 37:11Psalm 37:11
English: American Standard Version (1901) - ASV

11 But the meek shall inherit the land, And shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

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admonishes us: “But the humble will inherit the land, and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.” The end result of the recipe (always the best part) is to enjoy the abundant life in Christ.

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Prayer of a Minister’s Wife

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

Please visit my website: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

During my early years as a pastor’s wife, I was at one of many conferences just for minister’s wives. The speaker was excellent and shared many encouraging words about our role as a pastor’s wife. Although most generally you will find that everything runs smoothly in that important role, there will be times when you will be compelled to cry out to God in desperation. You will be as David was in Psalm 142 crying out for help.

In fact, this particular speaker referred to Psalm 142 as the “Prayer of a Minister’s Wife”. Not only did David pray but it states that he cried aloud. Many times I have prayed fervently to God with elevated voice and most generally tears. We can pour out our complaints to God as there really is no one else we can share with.

Verse three says “they have hidden a trap for me” followed by verse four that indicates “there is no escape and no one cares for my soul”. Have you ever felt that way? I have. It seems as if no one understands you and your role as a pastor’s wife or sometimes you wonder if they really care.

After we have poured out our soul to God, verse seven indicates that we are at the point to give thanks to His name. We will then be surrounded by the righteous and God will deal bountifully with us. What a promise!

I have printed Psalm 142 in its entirety from the New American Standard version. If you feel all alone as David did, you can read this psalm to bring assurance of God’s love and care. Let this be a prayer just for you, the “Prayer of a Minister’s Wife”.

1.  I cry aloud with my voice to the Lord, I make supplication with my voice to the Lord,

2.  I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare my trouble before Him.

3.  When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Thou didst know my path.  In the way where I walk, They have hidden a trap for me.

4.  Look to the right and see; For there is no on who regards me; There is no escape for me; No one cares for my soul.

5.  I cried out to Thee, O Lord; I said, “Thou art my refuge, My portion in the land of the living.

6.  Give heed to my cry, For I am brought very low; Deliver me from my persecutors, For they are too strong for me.

7.  Bring my soul out of prison.  So that I may give thanks to Thy name; The righteous will surround me, For Thou wilt deal bountifully with me.”

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Will I Receive Roses?

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

I thought being a pastor’s wife would be a continual receiving of roses (verbally and literally).  Little did I know you do get roses but someone forgot to tell me that the roses (parishioners) come in all shapes, sizes, Godly maturity levels and some with prickly thorns attached.  Oh, how those thorns hurt sometimes and the wilted dying flowers are not too attractive either.

Expecting to receive flowers I got them alright!!  I had to begin to look at each parishioner as an individual rose with each petal representing the individual’s uniqueness.  Some parishioners were perfect little roses that I wanted to place in a vase of water in my heart to live forever and never die.  But oh the thorny, wilted, ugly roses (difficult parishioners).  There was always some of those.  I wanted to place them between the pages of a big sturdy book and slam it shut.  Then I could wait for them to dry out so I could store them as far away from me as possible or even throw them away.

I soon learned it was those imperfect parishioners, however, that helped me grow in my spiritual life.  When you hear negative words uttered, those thorns prick.  Those thorny roses, however, helped me to look upward to Jesus as the source of my strength and encouragement.

I strived throughout the years to appreciate all the roses that came my way – I knew God had sent them to me for a reason.  Yes, I did receive roses and will continue to do so!

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Young Preacher’s Wife

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheministerswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

My husband’s first assignment after completing Bible College was as a Youth Pastor at a church in the state of Montana.  Being a pastor’s wife was a new experience for me.  I found it rewarding but also filled with uncertainty.  Other young pastor’s wives must have been having the same struggles.  That made me realize the journey of a pastor’s wife was going to be a challenge.

The following poem brought me encouragement during my early years in the role as a pastor’s wife.  I hope it encourages all young pastor’s wives today, as well.

On Being a Young Preacher’s Wife

by Polly Countryman

Being a preacher’s wife involves more than I had really realized.

It’s being strong on the outside when you feel weak on the inside.

It’s keepng a smile on your face whle your heart is breaking in two.

It’s saying kind words to others when maybe they are throwing out cutting words to you.

It’s keeping quiet when others are saying their piece.

It’s loving all kinds of people although they may not be loving you.

It’s having wisdom and knowledge that only God can give.

It’s holding on to Jesus’ hand and saying, I want to go all the way with You.

Sometimes, it’s being willing to walk alone.  Although there are people all around me, I sometimes feel alone.

It’s trying to understand everybody else – their feelings and needs.

It’s being an encouragement to those around me while deep down inside I’m hoping my discouragement doesn’t show.

It’s still holding on to Jesus – NO MATTER WHAT THE LOAD!

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Top Ten Reasons You Might Be a Pastor’s Wife

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Please visit my website at: www.soyouretheminsterswife.com

Check out this website: www.howtobecomeafosterparent.net

As most of you know, one of the famous late-night variety shows has a segment entitled, “Top Ten Reasons”.  That made we wonder if I could make a humorous list related to a pastor’s wife.  Although my humor is not comparable to the comedians on that particular program, following is a list I have put together.

Top Ten Reasons You Might Be a Pastor’s Wife

1.  You are married to a pastor.  What a surprise!

2.  You live in a glass house without any curtains.

3.  You entertain church leaders by serving McDonald’s super size meals.

4.  You lead youth activities even while walking on crutches.

5.  You smile even when you want to stick out your tongue.

6.  You attend church even when it isn’t a church day.

7.  You raise “perfect” kids even though you are childless.

8.  You quote scriptures from the New Difficult Parishoners translation.

9.  You play the piano and sing during the service even if you don’t know how.

and

10. You work for free!!

Although these are comical to read, it gives a good example of the unrealistic expectations we place on a pastor’s wife.  She is often placed in a certain stereotype and, if she doesn’t meet that criteria, she is not a responsible pastor’s wife and may even be criticized.  It seems she has to live up to everyone’s idea of what a pastor’s wife should be.

Let’s realize our pastor’s wife is a unique person and perhaps does not fit into our mold.  Love and appreciate here for who she is.  After all, she has to accept you just the way you are!

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